A woman who said she lost nearly 100 pounds after changing her lifestyle says her husband’s repeated “jokes” about her body have left her feeling worse about herself.
Posting on Reddit, the 29-year-old original poster (OP), user xoalwaysemxo, explained that she has spent the last 11 months improving her diet and habits, eventually losing 98 pounds.
At 4’11” and about 133 pounds, she said she feels proud of the effort she put into improving her health, and her 32-year-old husband has told her he is also proud of her.
Yet she said his comments about her appearance have become painful.
“When he tries to make jokes, it’s usually at the expense of my body now,” the OP wrote. “He makes comments about how I have no a** anymore, how my breasts look smaller, or how he can see my bones now…
“I’m not extremely small, and according to BMI, I’m still considered overweight. I’ve tried explaining to him that it hurts my feelings, and he says he is sorry and will stop.
“But he keeps doing it, and I don’t know what else to say to him about it. I originally started this lifestyle change to better my health and feel overall better about myself.
“But now I’m starting to feel even more like s***, and his comments aren’t helping with my body image.”
In the discussion, the OP noted that the pattern of comments has not been new.
“I feel like he is purposely trying to make me feel like s*** without saying it outright,” she wrote. “Before I lost weight, he would make ‘jokes’ calling me big back & other similar things.
“So I thought it would get better if I lost weight. But apparently I can’t win either way.”
‘He sucks’
One user suggested, “I think all you can say is that it’s hurtful when he body shames you, and you need him to stop. If he continues to do it, he is showing you he doesn’t care about how you feel and wants you to feel bad about your body.
“I suspect he sees your weight loss as a threat and wants to ensure you aren’t confident because he is more afraid you won’t stay with him.”
Another commenter took a more direct stance: “He sucks. You need to be upfront with him about the motive behind the ‘jokes’. His intent is to bring you down and hurt your feelings. HE needs to figure his own s*** out.”
Weight and Insecurity
Experts say comments about a partner’s body can have complex motivations and effects.
Writing in Psychology Today, one author described how a partner’s remarks about weight or appearance can linger long after they are said.
The writer recalled a past experience in which a romantic partner said they preferred them “really thin,” noting the comment “got under my skin, amplifying insecurities.”
Body Criticism and Control
Research also links body criticism to control in some relationships.
According to a report by Refinery29, Lisa Fontes, PhD, a senior lecturer at the University of Massachusetts Amherst and author of Invisible Chains, said body criticism can be used to undermine confidence.
“It’s just one approach, but it’s an approach that’s very effective with women growing up in a society where they’re learning that their appearance is more important than anything else,” Fontes said.
She also noted that diminishing a partner’s confidence can shift power in a relationship.
Newsweek has reached out to xoalwaysemxo for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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